According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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