seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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