i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
