You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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