I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
