walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
