Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
