as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
