I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
