Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
