You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
