not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
