why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
