hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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