he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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