We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
