I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
