It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize