I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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