It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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