im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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