he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
