Your favorite bartender is back from prision
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
