if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
