Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
