your parents love me but you hate me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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