Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
