Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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