There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
