I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
