I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize