Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
