i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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