It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
