I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
