just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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