If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
