your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
