Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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