sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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