what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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