So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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