I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
