yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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