Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
