you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize