have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
