I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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