she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
