Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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