i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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