and she was petting her beer can
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
