take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
