dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
