He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
