take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
