my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
