is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
