glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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