Christians are straight up FREAKS
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
