I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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