It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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