Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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