I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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