There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
