I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
