she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
did you just send me my own nude
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
