I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He has the fingertips of a God
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
