You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
