there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
