what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize