i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
