Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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