wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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