I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
