You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
