I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
