I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
