can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
