Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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