i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
