i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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