True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
