An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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