those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize