I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
