I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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