My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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