I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Found the puke drawer
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
