Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
