Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The air was thick with penises
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
