When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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