dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
