Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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