were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize