Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
