Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
