I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
