he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
