i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
