Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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