I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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